Destiny and Fate
by bloodredroses
Summary: W/T, B/S -- A companion piece to "Only Hope," Willow has Spike help her bring back her beloved Tara.
1. Prologue: Return From Nowhere

Disclaimer: Buffy and her friends are not my creation, they belong to the Joss-God...ohm.....ohm....sure wish they were, though!  
"Only Hope" and Mandy Moore do not belong to me, and I'm not quite sure who, either.   
I'm just writing this for fun. oh, I don't own Death Cigarettes, either.  
I saw them on this old Rose McGowan movie called "Doom Generation" and I thought it was quite  
fitting for Spike to smoke cigarettes with a skull and crossbones on the packaging. I don't own  
Zippo, either, just one of their lighters. Please don't sue me, I'm too poor  
and I need a new car.   
  
A/N: If you are offended by the thought of two women in love, then why are you reading stories is this freakin' category? Anyway,  
if that is the case, turn back now before it's too late...bwahahahaha!!!  
  
Spoilers: The Sixth Season  
  
Summary: Willow is reflecting on Tara's death and how much she meant to her.  
  
And now, on with the show!  
  
Prologue: Return From Nowhere  
  
Spike fumbled around in his trench coat pockets looking for his pack of cigarettes.   
Finally, his fingers grasped the pack of (the very aptly named) Death Cigarettes (complete with black  
box with skull and crossbones) in his breast pocket. He opened the   
box lid and removed (much to his dismay) his last cigarette. He placed it between his lips and  
effortlessly flicked open his Zippo and brought the flame to the tip. He inhaled slowly, closed  
his Zippo and discarded the empty pack onto the cracked pavement. He may have a soul now, but   
he still didn't give much of a shit about littering. The bleached-blonde vampire took another   
drag off his cigarette, his pace quickening the closer he got to his crypt, trench coat billowing   
behind him in the crisp Sunnydale autumn night. 


	2. Chapter 1: Insomnia

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except the storyline...don't sue! I only have 6 cents.   
  
A/N: If you are offended by the thought of two women in love, then why are you reading stories is this freakin' category? Anyway,  
if that is the case, turn back now before it's too late...bwahahahaha!!!  
  
Spoilers: The Sixth Season  
  
Summary: Willow is reflecting on Tara's death and how much she meant to her.  
  
And now, on with the show!  
  
Chapter 1: Insomnia  
  
Willow was restless, even worse than ever.She'd tried to sleep for hours, but to no avail.She tossed and turned, unable  
to keep her eyes closed for long. It was now 3:27 am, and she was tired of staring at the bright red numbers on her alarm clock,  
mocking her sleepless state.  
It had been three months since her Tara had been so abruptly taken away from her, the pain if it still as fresh as if   
it were yesterday. Her stupid "Black Magick is NOT the Answer" meeting were doing little to no good to ease her soul, yet she  
did take some comfort in that she was not alone in her troubles. It wasn't as if any of the other members of the group had tried  
to destroy the world or anything, but there were others who had used magicks to take another's life. There was even one teenage  
boy who had actually killed his own mother after years of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, using methods that were nowhere  
near as kind as her skinning Warren alive.  
Still, Willow felt restless, tempted to do a spell to help her sleep, to forget what she had done, to erase the pain.  
None of this was an option, however, as part of her sentencing was to deal with this as if she had murdered using man-made weapons  
rather than magick. She felt like a heroin addict with a loaded syringe just waiting to be injected. The lethal dose. The spell to  
end all her pain forever. To go to Tara rather than bring her back to her.  
At that thought, Willow decided she needed to clear her head. She crossed the room to her closet and put on an old worn  
pair of boot-cut blue jeans and a pink shirt similar to the one she had worn the day Tara's blood was spilled. She still had the   
shirt, with the blood stains. She'd held onto it, never washing it, for fear that she was washing away her one true love.  
Willow pulled on her pink zip-up sweatshirt and headed down the stairs and out into the Sunnydale night, knowing full well all the dangers she  
might encounter, knowing she could be killed.  
It wasn't like she had anything to live for, anyway. 


	3. Soulless Demon

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except the storyline...don't sue! I only have 6 cents to my name and I need a new car!  
  
A/N: If you are offended by the thought of two women in love, then why are you reading stories is this freakin' category? Anyway, if that is the case, turn back now before it's too late...bwahahahaha!!!  
  
Spoilers: The Sixth Season  
  
Summary: Willow enlists Spike's help to bring back her beloved Tara.  
  
And now, on with the show!  
  
Chapter 2: Soulless Demon

            Willow's heels clicked against the pavement as she trod down the well-worn path to the Magic Box. Shivering, she pulled her hoodie closer around her as she approached her favorite store. She paused, staring at the entrance, remembering the happy times she had once spent there with Tara and the rest of the Scoobs. She shuddered as the painful memory of the day she had tried to destroy the world came flooding back to her, quickly erasing any happy memory that she might have been experiencing. Still, she slowly approached the window near the entrance to peer inside the place that she had nearly put in ruins. 

            _Wow, she breathed, __Anya__ and Giles really did do an incredible job restoring this place, silently observing to herself. It looked good as new, even better in fact. The new Victorian- style furniture was elegantly crafted cherry wood polished to a beautiful reflective shine. The chairs, not to be outdone, had embroidered seats with a rose design on a cream-colored background that accented the rich-toned wood beautifully. In the center of every table was a lamp with rounded cream-colored fringed lampshades on stems that matched the wood. It was from one of these lamps that light softly spilled adding even more to the elegant atmosphere. It looked warm and inviting, too inviting, in fact._

            _Willow__…Willow… _

            She could almost hear the volumes of magickal texts calling to her, asking her to once more indulge herself in the pages and words and spells that could make any (even her darkest) wishes come true. She placed her trembling fingers to the windowpanes, as a child might to the windows of a toy store.

            Willow shook her head and quickly removed her fingers from the planes of glass, as if she'd been burned. She then quickly stepped backwards away from the window, still staring at the elegance and warmth from which she knew she must never approach alone again.

            However, in her haste to remove herself from temptation, she was surprised to find that she had backed right into another insomniac out in the cold Sunnydale night.

            "Ooof!" Willow exclaimed as she landed hard on her buttocks on the chilly sidewalk.

            "Watch where you're bloody going!" a familiar voice growled at her as the red-headed witch bowled over the bleached-blonde vampire.

            "Sorry, Spike, "she softly apologized, eyes wide with embarrassment.

            "Just don't do it again." He paused a moment, and then extended his right hand to her. "Hand up?" he asked.

            _What in the hell? Willow thought as she took advantage of the unusually kind gesture, especially for who was offering it. She had always thought of Spike as someone who would rather knock someone over than help them up._

            "Thanks," she replied, averting her eyes the way she usually did in an uncomfortable situation. She let go of his hand and removed herself a couple of paces (this time watching behind her), brushing the dirt off the seat of her pants.

            "So Red, what're you doing out here in the dead of the night without your slayer friends to protect you? Shouldn't you be at home with your little girlfriend?" Spike asked in his usual sarcastic, blunt way.

            Willow's body stiffened, her face contorting from one of discomfort to a blend of hurt and anger. Her hands became clenched fists at her sides, carefully putting her thoughts together to tell Spike off.

            _Uh oh…was the only thought that Spike clearly had before Willow's mouth opened._

            "Great idea, Spike! I'd love to be at home with her, if she weren't dead! But you don't care, do you? Of course you don't! Probably just wanted me to come up with some kind of spell to get rid of your chip thingy! Never mind poor Willow, who can't even do magic without killing someone, although in your case, I might just take that chance!" came flying out of Willow's mouth as tears began forming in her eyes.

            _Shit, Spike thought. __Haven't even been back in Sunnydale for one day and already I've got the Slayer's best friend ready to kill me._

_            "Whoa, what happened?" Spike asked, hoping that she wouldn't kill him if he showed some concern…the crazy thing was, he really was concerned. Damn soul._

            "Why? So you can laugh? 'Oh, poor Willow, boo-hoo-hoo!' Like you would know anything at all about love, or being in love! Look at Drusilla, for Goddess' sake!" She began to pace as the volume of her voice increased. "You even tried to rape my best friend, and now…" she trailed off and paused, catching her breath. She took a deep breath and was off again. "Now you come along all and you're all nicey-nice and all "hand up" and all concerned over Tara's death. It's not like you really care or anything, probably just want to pretend to be my friend so you can get to Buffy. But that's not going to happen!" Tears were clearly streaming down her face now, showing all the hurt and anger that she still held inside.

            Spike's eyes widened, clearly taken aback by Willow's outburst.

            "No, Red, I swear it isn't like that. I was seriously just asking…" Spike began, but was cut short by Willow.

            "Then what is it like, huh? WHAT? You could never know love, you soulless demon! Only lust, rape, and sex for you!" Her green eyes were shimmering from the tears that flowed freely from them, tears that were now turning to blood.

            "Red! Oh God! You must stop crying! Your tears…" Spike reached out his hand and caught a bloody tear on his fingertip. "See…they're turning to blood…that can't be good."

            Willow calmed down at the sight of her bloody tears. Spike resisted the temptation to lick up her tears, although it was quite trying. He placed an arm around her shoulders, and she did not resist, much to his surprise. He led her to a nearby park bench and sat her down, ready to set the record straight. Ready to trust this girl that he barely knew with his biggest secret. 

            "Red, I can understand love. Vampires, with or without souls, can and do know love. As for me being a soulless demon, not anymore." 

            "What?" Willow asked. _Spike, with a soul…that would be way too weird. Willow thought to herself._

            "That's where I've been for the past three months…off in Africa getting a soul. Actually, it began as a quest to get rid of this bloody chip, but I got a soul instead." Spike watched Willow's jaw drop as he revealed his secret.

            "How? Why? What? Where? Well, where in Africa, I mean." Willow started babbling.

            "Be glad you're sitting down, cause this is going to take a while." Spike said, the street lamp harshly illuminating their faces in this memorable night. 

            __

            _  
  
_


	4. What the Slayer Deserves

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except the storyline...don't sue! I only have 6 cents to my name and I need a new car!  
  
A/N: If you are offended by the thought of two women in love, then why are you reading stories is this freakin' category? Anyway, if that is the case, turn back now before it's too late...bwahahahaha!!!  
  
Spoilers: The Sixth Season  
  
Summary: Willow enlists Spike's help to bring back her beloved Tara.  
  
And now, on with the show!

Chapter 3: What the Slayer Deserves

            "There's a place in Africa where one can go through trials of all sorts. I told the demon guy that I wanted that bloody chip out of my head and to give the slayer what she deserves. Let me tell you what, a boxing match with a guy with fire fists is no fun for a vampire."

            Willow winced at this statement, but silently allowed Spike to continue.

            "Well, after all the bloody trials were through, I told the demon that I wanted to, and I quote, 'Give the slayer what she deserves.' Then he grabbed my head and there was a flash of white light, and all of a sudden, I had my soul."

            Willow stared at Spike, trying to absorb everything that had fallen upon her ears.  _A soul, she thought to herself. __Well that kinda explains everything, now doesn't it?_

            "Your soul," she said softly.

            "Yeah, my bloody soul! Now how am I supposed to give the slayer what she deserves? Now I'll feel all sorry about anything I do to her. Or have done to her." Spike said, he as bewildered as she.

            _Spike's soul…what the slayer deserves…Willow's thoughts trailed off as she tried to make sense of how the two could possibly be related._

            "I'm not quite sure how it makes sense, either. The demon guy thought that your soul was what Buffy deserved? How odd." Willow replied.

            "Well, he seemed to think so. I personally have no idea what is…or isn't…going on in that bugger's head." Spike shrugged his shoulders as he continued. "Then he sent me off to some shaman, a little old African bloke who acted as a sort of, well, therapist you could say, to help me adjust to this business of having a soul. Kept me from going crazy and such, and to deal with the remorse of my 'demonic' past." Spike chuckled. "This bloke would be great for Angel, maybe he wouldn't be so bloody moody all the time."

            Willow chuckled at the mental image of Angel lying on therapist's couch pouring out his heart and soul to Sigmund Freud. 

            Spike was then silent, wishing he had a cigarette. Telling someone about his soul was quite stressful in and of itself. Telling the slayer's best friend, however, was above and beyond the stress one would feel in a million lifetimes, at least at that moment.

            "Well, um, basically," Willow said, carefully choosing her words, "you went to Africa, got a soul, went to therapy, and are now back in Sunnydale to give Buffy what she deserves."

            "You got it," Spike said. "Ten points for our lovely Red," he could help but to sarcastically add.

            However, the friendly barb just made Willow smile. Maybe Spike-with-a-soul wasn't so bad after all.

            "It's almost sunrise," Willow said, seeing the very beginnings of dawn in the sky. "Better get inside before you turn all dusty," she said to her newfound friend.

            "Best idea I've heard in a long time. Well, guess I'll see you around." Spike said as he stood up and headed off in the direction of his crypt.

            "Spike, wait!" Willow shouted at Spike, and he turned around.

            "If you can get a soul, do you think I could get Tara back?" she asked, hoping the answer would be yes.


End file.
